Marriage Counseling

Before we were married, Molly and I went to a pre-marital counseling seminar with about 15 other couples for a day. On that day, Molly and I were surprised to hear presenter after presenter talk about how horribly hard marriage is and how difficult it is and one presenter even said, "Your marriage has to die before it can come to life." Truthfully, all of our presenters had nearly failed their marriage, and while their experience was helpful to learn from, it pointed to one consistent fact: marriage is only done right under the leadership of Jesus. All of the horror stories that those presenters shared about their marriages were stories when they were not following Jesus and they were not serving their spouse.

From that day, Molly and I determined that we would speak well of marriage and commit ourselves to submission to Jesus' leadership. Honestly Molly and I just got sick of people speaking poorly of marriage. Marriage is hard, but that is the very characteristic that makes it glorious. Marriage is hard because we all have pride. Marriage is hard because it forces us to die to ourselves. There is no better way to learn humility than through marriage. Therefore, praise God for marriage.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

Now, many read that passage and originally think Paul is discouraging marriage or even condemning marriage, but this passage actually encourages me in my marriage. Paul admits that marriage is difficult, but that is all. Paul is encouraging singleness as the easier route, but I am proud to accept the daily death to myself that is my marriage. I take pride in considering my wife before myself. And I will take pride in raising Godly children who will shake history. I do not want the path of least resistance, I want the path that forces me to be like Jesus. I look at the difficulty that is marriage and welcome it because I know it is killing the sin in my own heart.

Did not Paul also say in 1 Corinthians 9:25-27

"Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

Marriage is a form of spiritual conditioning. I didn't get married to live an easy life free of concern. I chose marriage for its difficulty because it forces me to be humble. Not only that, but I married into the thrill of spending my life with someone as amazing as Molly. When people tell you marriage is hard, praise God for its difficultly because it can be our salvation.

Finally, marriage is a picture of eternity. Paul writes in Ephesians 5:22-25

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. . . Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Why does Paul tell wives to submit and husbands to love? Get past the what and look at why. Marriage is a picture of the love of Christ for us, and I want my marriage to be a mirror image of eternity. Therefore we can't be bitter towards marriage and speak poorly of what should be giving glory to God. Our spouse may be difficult and horrible but that is only because marriage only works under the leadership of Jesus... because after all... marriage is about Jesus! God is the leading expert when it comes to marriage because He established it to begin with. Honor marriage. Speak well of marriage. Never condemn marriage, because marriage is about eternity.

The bitter mentality we have towards marriage is only due to a culture that hates commitment and that discards the truths of scripture. America doesn't want to die to themselves or serve their spouses. If we did, then the marriage covenant would be the most prized part of our culture. Instead we have divorce rampant in the church and our teenagers know nothing of commitment or the sacredness of marriage.

It is time for a marriage revolution in America.

My favorite marriage quote comes from Marci Epp who said, "Marriage is hard, but it is a good hard!"

Shape or Be Shaped

You cannot lead according to the opinions of the masses. If a leader operates for the praises of man, then that leader is being led by the opinion of the masses. Such a leader is not a shaper of the culture, but rather is shaped by the culture.

Many lead according to the opinion of the masses, and even for the opinion of their close followers. Jesus was no such leader. Jesus' leadership style often confused His closest friends, and the measure of His success was never determined by the masses. To the dismay of every human being that followed Him, He died on the cross.

What does this say about our leadership styles today? True leadership success is not measured by the acceptance of the masses. If you are in a place of leadership primarily for the approval of your followers, then you are the follower and your followers are the leaders, and you have been shaped.

Shape or be shaped? That is the challenge of culture. Will you live for the approval of the culture? Will you bow to the spirit of the age? Or will you shape the culture and bare disapproval of those who have become dependent on it?

There is freedom in leaders that is not enslaved to its followers. There is freedom in finding your identity above the opinions of man. This freedom comes from the revelation that your identity and success is determined not by the approval of man, but of God. Once are you connected to the heart of God in your leadership, what approval matters other than that of God?

Obviously this leadership is not devoid of compassion, rather this kind of leadership seeks to draw its followers into the same heart of God and empower them. That was the leadership of Jesus.

Be freed from the opinions of man. Be freed from the approval of the masses and seek the approval of God in your life. The opinions of the masses shift far to much to be the basis of your success. Therefore, find your identity in the opinion of an unchanging God that loves you. One day men will love you and the next they will leave you, but a leader whose identity is found in God is never shaken by the imperfect opinions of man.

Disclaimer: This does not mean that your friends cannot provide your with constructive criticism. I love Godly council. Remember you are fallen just as much as anyone else, even with God's approval. Don't toss out the good council of your Godly friends and honor those in authority over you.

Fascinate II

Fascinate is here again at IHOP-KC. For the second time this summer we are not only hosting several hundred teenagers at the Awakening Teen Camp, but we have yet another couple thousand at Fascinate II! If you can't make it to the event, you can watch online for free! Here are some pictures from previous Fascinate conferences:

Also look for Fascinate 2011, July 12 - 15 in the KANSAS CITY CONVENTION CENTER in Downtown KC! Whoa!