Marriage Counseling

Before we were married, Molly and I went to a pre-marital counseling seminar with about 15 other couples for a day. On that day, Molly and I were surprised to hear presenter after presenter talk about how horribly hard marriage is and how difficult it is and one presenter even said, "Your marriage has to die before it can come to life." Truthfully, all of our presenters had nearly failed their marriage, and while their experience was helpful to learn from, it pointed to one consistent fact: marriage is only done right under the leadership of Jesus. All of the horror stories that those presenters shared about their marriages were stories when they were not following Jesus and they were not serving their spouse.

From that day, Molly and I determined that we would speak well of marriage and commit ourselves to submission to Jesus' leadership. Honestly Molly and I just got sick of people speaking poorly of marriage. Marriage is hard, but that is the very characteristic that makes it glorious. Marriage is hard because we all have pride. Marriage is hard because it forces us to die to ourselves. There is no better way to learn humility than through marriage. Therefore, praise God for marriage.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

Now, many read that passage and originally think Paul is discouraging marriage or even condemning marriage, but this passage actually encourages me in my marriage. Paul admits that marriage is difficult, but that is all. Paul is encouraging singleness as the easier route, but I am proud to accept the daily death to myself that is my marriage. I take pride in considering my wife before myself. And I will take pride in raising Godly children who will shake history. I do not want the path of least resistance, I want the path that forces me to be like Jesus. I look at the difficulty that is marriage and welcome it because I know it is killing the sin in my own heart.

Did not Paul also say in 1 Corinthians 9:25-27

"Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

Marriage is a form of spiritual conditioning. I didn't get married to live an easy life free of concern. I chose marriage for its difficulty because it forces me to be humble. Not only that, but I married into the thrill of spending my life with someone as amazing as Molly. When people tell you marriage is hard, praise God for its difficultly because it can be our salvation.

Finally, marriage is a picture of eternity. Paul writes in Ephesians 5:22-25

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. . . Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Why does Paul tell wives to submit and husbands to love? Get past the what and look at why. Marriage is a picture of the love of Christ for us, and I want my marriage to be a mirror image of eternity. Therefore we can't be bitter towards marriage and speak poorly of what should be giving glory to God. Our spouse may be difficult and horrible but that is only because marriage only works under the leadership of Jesus... because after all... marriage is about Jesus! God is the leading expert when it comes to marriage because He established it to begin with. Honor marriage. Speak well of marriage. Never condemn marriage, because marriage is about eternity.

The bitter mentality we have towards marriage is only due to a culture that hates commitment and that discards the truths of scripture. America doesn't want to die to themselves or serve their spouses. If we did, then the marriage covenant would be the most prized part of our culture. Instead we have divorce rampant in the church and our teenagers know nothing of commitment or the sacredness of marriage.

It is time for a marriage revolution in America.

My favorite marriage quote comes from Marci Epp who said, "Marriage is hard, but it is a good hard!"