Marriage Counseling

Before we were married, Molly and I went to a pre-marital counseling seminar with about 15 other couples for a day. On that day, Molly and I were surprised to hear presenter after presenter talk about how horribly hard marriage is and how difficult it is and one presenter even said, "Your marriage has to die before it can come to life." Truthfully, all of our presenters had nearly failed their marriage, and while their experience was helpful to learn from, it pointed to one consistent fact: marriage is only done right under the leadership of Jesus. All of the horror stories that those presenters shared about their marriages were stories when they were not following Jesus and they were not serving their spouse.

From that day, Molly and I determined that we would speak well of marriage and commit ourselves to submission to Jesus' leadership. Honestly Molly and I just got sick of people speaking poorly of marriage. Marriage is hard, but that is the very characteristic that makes it glorious. Marriage is hard because we all have pride. Marriage is hard because it forces us to die to ourselves. There is no better way to learn humility than through marriage. Therefore, praise God for marriage.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

Now, many read that passage and originally think Paul is discouraging marriage or even condemning marriage, but this passage actually encourages me in my marriage. Paul admits that marriage is difficult, but that is all. Paul is encouraging singleness as the easier route, but I am proud to accept the daily death to myself that is my marriage. I take pride in considering my wife before myself. And I will take pride in raising Godly children who will shake history. I do not want the path of least resistance, I want the path that forces me to be like Jesus. I look at the difficulty that is marriage and welcome it because I know it is killing the sin in my own heart.

Did not Paul also say in 1 Corinthians 9:25-27

"Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

Marriage is a form of spiritual conditioning. I didn't get married to live an easy life free of concern. I chose marriage for its difficulty because it forces me to be humble. Not only that, but I married into the thrill of spending my life with someone as amazing as Molly. When people tell you marriage is hard, praise God for its difficultly because it can be our salvation.

Finally, marriage is a picture of eternity. Paul writes in Ephesians 5:22-25

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. . . Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Why does Paul tell wives to submit and husbands to love? Get past the what and look at why. Marriage is a picture of the love of Christ for us, and I want my marriage to be a mirror image of eternity. Therefore we can't be bitter towards marriage and speak poorly of what should be giving glory to God. Our spouse may be difficult and horrible but that is only because marriage only works under the leadership of Jesus... because after all... marriage is about Jesus! God is the leading expert when it comes to marriage because He established it to begin with. Honor marriage. Speak well of marriage. Never condemn marriage, because marriage is about eternity.

The bitter mentality we have towards marriage is only due to a culture that hates commitment and that discards the truths of scripture. America doesn't want to die to themselves or serve their spouses. If we did, then the marriage covenant would be the most prized part of our culture. Instead we have divorce rampant in the church and our teenagers know nothing of commitment or the sacredness of marriage.

It is time for a marriage revolution in America.

My favorite marriage quote comes from Marci Epp who said, "Marriage is hard, but it is a good hard!"

Shape or Be Shaped

You cannot lead according to the opinions of the masses. If a leader operates for the praises of man, then that leader is being led by the opinion of the masses. Such a leader is not a shaper of the culture, but rather is shaped by the culture.

Many lead according to the opinion of the masses, and even for the opinion of their close followers. Jesus was no such leader. Jesus' leadership style often confused His closest friends, and the measure of His success was never determined by the masses. To the dismay of every human being that followed Him, He died on the cross.

What does this say about our leadership styles today? True leadership success is not measured by the acceptance of the masses. If you are in a place of leadership primarily for the approval of your followers, then you are the follower and your followers are the leaders, and you have been shaped.

Shape or be shaped? That is the challenge of culture. Will you live for the approval of the culture? Will you bow to the spirit of the age? Or will you shape the culture and bare disapproval of those who have become dependent on it?

There is freedom in leaders that is not enslaved to its followers. There is freedom in finding your identity above the opinions of man. This freedom comes from the revelation that your identity and success is determined not by the approval of man, but of God. Once are you connected to the heart of God in your leadership, what approval matters other than that of God?

Obviously this leadership is not devoid of compassion, rather this kind of leadership seeks to draw its followers into the same heart of God and empower them. That was the leadership of Jesus.

Be freed from the opinions of man. Be freed from the approval of the masses and seek the approval of God in your life. The opinions of the masses shift far to much to be the basis of your success. Therefore, find your identity in the opinion of an unchanging God that loves you. One day men will love you and the next they will leave you, but a leader whose identity is found in God is never shaken by the imperfect opinions of man.

Disclaimer: This does not mean that your friends cannot provide your with constructive criticism. I love Godly council. Remember you are fallen just as much as anyone else, even with God's approval. Don't toss out the good council of your Godly friends and honor those in authority over you.

Fascinate II

Fascinate is here again at IHOP-KC. For the second time this summer we are not only hosting several hundred teenagers at the Awakening Teen Camp, but we have yet another couple thousand at Fascinate II! If you can't make it to the event, you can watch online for free! Here are some pictures from previous Fascinate conferences:

Also look for Fascinate 2011, July 12 - 15 in the KANSAS CITY CONVENTION CENTER in Downtown KC! Whoa!

Most Recent Set of Notes: 3 Essential Values

I've been doing a lot of speaking around the IHOP Missions Base to students both in the Student Ministries Internship (dubbed SMi), and in the Awakening Teen Camp (ATC) about prayer in high schools. Here's my most recent notes on High School Missions.

There are 3 essential values to leading a prayer movement at your school:

1. Centrality of Jesus

2. Consecration

3. Air-Supremacy

Maintaining these values will help sustain your individual heart in the place of prayer as well as the corporate prayer meetings that you host at your school. Understanding these values adjusts our worldview to Biblical priorities. While there are many other essential values to consider, most of those find their origin in one of these three categories, so let me explain:

1. Centrality of Jesus

The centrality of Jesus happens in 2 facets. One is the importance of INTIMACY in your personal relationship with Jesus. The other is the importance of ESCHATOLOGY (or the study of the end-times) and understanding his end goal of history so we can rightly partner with him. Here are two verses...

Matthew 25:1-13 ~ The Parable of the Ten Virgins

At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. (verses 1-4)

In this parable, the oil is widely understood as intimacy with Jesus. Look at it as 10 ministries, and five worked and worked without an understanding of intimacy with Jesus and five worked while maintaining the oil in their lamps. A lack of intimacy always leads to burnout. Intimacy fuels our hearts, because nothing motivates us better than love for Jesus. In the end, we want to be among the wise who have cultivated intimacy and who have oil in our lamps. We don't want to burn out or struggle in our own strength.

We are also far more effective evangelists and servants when we do so out of love for Jesus. Cultivating intimacy helps to correctly prioritize Jesus in our lives and gives us a proper worldview to evangelize through. In this way, our mandate is not about numbers, but about outreach that flows from a heart of love. Without that heart of love, our outreach will never be as effective for us or for the lost.

Luke 18:1-8 ~ The Parable of the Persistent Widow

And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth? (verses 7-8)

Luke 18 shares the eschatological side of my point. We can minister and outreach for the lost, but why? In the end, why do we minister at all? It is ultimately to prepare the earth for Jesus' return. The return of Jesus is our primary reason for ministry, in whatever form. We seek to answer the question of "when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?" And what is the primary topic of this parable? Persistent PRAYER. We can answer this question in many ways through evangelism and through giving to the poor and through other forms of outreach, but our primary calling is to a foundation of prayer. That is why it is key to establish prayer furnaces in schools and to ministry from that place of prayer.

Getting Free From Numbers-Based Ministries:

Another point to understand is that our success and calling has nothing to do with how many lost people we save or how many people show up to our events. God will not love us more because we saved more people. That is a works-based understanding. Our ministry is not primarily for the lost, although it is very essential that we reach out to them and pray for their salvation. Our ministry is to Jesus because He is worthy. Even more important than saving the lost is saving the lost RIGHTLY, which comes from prizing the cross and becoming lovers and partners with Jesus. We need to find our identity outside of other people and outside of the needs of other people. Once we establish the centrality of Jesus, we will be much more effective ministers to the lost. Good luck getting anyone to be a true martyr with a cold heart.

Numbers do not define your prayer meeting. If Jesus came back tomorrow, intimacy would define your prayer meeting. It is good to seek to include as many Christians as possible, but never at the expense of intimacy. Be released from the idea that you need to save your entire school. We do desperately need a culture shift and everyone does need to be saved, but that will not happen in your own strength no matter how hard you try (I've tried). Don't worry about who shows up or who doesn't show up. It's not for them, it's for Jesus. If you are leading for your followers, you will be led by your followers and you will burn out. What if no one gets saved? Does that make you a failure? What if only 3 people ever show up? If you count your success in numbers, then you are a slave to those you are trying to reach and you are finding your identity outside of Jesus. Get free of numbers first, and then God will open up the nets and you'll save 3,000 in a day (Acts 2). Align your heart with JESUS first and watch what happens!

Side note: If God does not judge us based on the number of people our ministry reaches (inherently works-based), then why do we so often judge youth groups by their numbers? More often then not, the larger youth groups are not necessarily the most effective. We should be preoccupied with Jesus, not numbers, and a youth group preoccupied with numbers probably isn't preoccupied with Jesus.

2. Consecration

We do not have a Christianity to save people into if we are submitting ourselves to the same culture as the rest of the world. What do we have to offer a culture that we are submitting to? What makes us holy like our God?

You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. - Matthew 5:13

In Numbers 6, the Lord outlines what was called the Nazirite Vow. This was a special vow of consecration with a very strict set of rules that were over and above the normal requirements of the law. The Nazirites desired a higher level of consecration in oder to be messengers. Back then, it was all about not cutting the hair, not eating grapes, and not defiling oneself by being near the dead. That was then, but what does not eating grapes get us today? Even though the Nazirite Vow doesn't exist today, the principal is still true. God is looking for a church that is set apart from the culture, that calls itself holy and doesn't submit to the culture!

What do you have to offer your school if you are bound under the same demons that assault your classmates? We need to consecrate ourselves before the Lord and actually live like Scripture is real and be different. Here are a few steps to get you started. From here you can pray and see how God would have you handle your life, from your schedule to your eating habits to the movies you watch.

#1 Secular Music

Music is scientifically the most effective method of indoctrination. The human brain works far better when taught through music, and the human memory is far better when memorizing ideas through music. How did you learn the alphabet? Music sinks to the deepest places of our brains and can even effect our worldview subconsciously. What are we allowing ourselves to be indoctrinated by? Music inspired by lost people or with no regard for God or the Word of God? Music inspired by demons? Or are we submitting ourselves only to music that directly glorifies God? This is the number one first step to setting yourself apart. If you miss this, the rest will be hard.

#2 Fasting

Fast food, somehow. Fasting is a tool that applies to everyone, not just pastors. If you have physical limitations that keep you from fasting food, then fast on whatever level you are physically able. I often fast soda and candy, and I miss it terribly, so it works. Isaiah 58 is a great fasting outline, as well as Joel 2:15. Don't just make it a one-time event, but make it a lifestyle. Fast weekly for one day or lunch on certain days, etc.

#3 Accountability

You need accountability. You need accountability. You need accountability. YOU NEED ACCOUNTABILITY. Get accountability from the same gender and get free from sin and hold each other to your consecration. Become the temple of the Most High God, and start by consecrating your temple from the things of the world and only submit yourself to media that glorifies God and get accountability to sustain it.

If we get set apart, get holy, and take Christianity seriously (no more weekend drinking parties, no more sleeping with our girlfriends/boyfriends, no more talking behind people's backs), then we have something to save people into. In most schools, being a Christian means nothing because all of the Christians still attend the parties and don't live any differently from their lost friends. We need deliverance for our own youth groups, so take a stand for your own life and start the revolution in your own heart.

3. Air-Supremacy

Air-Supremacy is a literal military strategy that nations use to achieve victory in battle. It means having ownership of the air so that your jets and planes can freely travel and provide support. If you have air-supremacy, you can call for quick backup, call for quick pick-up or quick drop-off, and your jets can provide you with immediate aid. Air-supremacy changes the entire battle and can be the difference between victory and loss.

The exact same is true in ministry through prayer. In Daniel 10, Daniel set his face to 21 days of fasting and prayer for God to have mercy on Israel, and although Daniel didn't see it, massive battle was taking place behind the scenes because of his prayers.

The Angel tells Daniel, Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia. Now I have come to explain to you what will happen to your people in the future, for the vision concerns a time yet to come. - Daniel 10:12-14

Daniel's prayers were a battle for air-supremacy above Persia! And once the air-supremacy was one, the breakthrough came! We have so little understanding of what is happening in the heavenly realms that we don't know how to fight for victory in the heavens first through prayer.

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. - 2 Corinthians 10:3-4

We need to understand our place in the heavens and pray for breakthrough. Daniel is an excellent example of a man who consecrated himself to God at an early age and who gave himself to a life of prayer and out of that his prayers were effecting the heavenly battles. With air-supremacy, fighting the battle in prayer, breakthrough will come much more effectively to your school. We need to understand the importance of prayer.

The reason you want to give yourself to the place of prayer, and the reason you want to start a prayer furnace at your school is because prayer moves God's heart and prayer moves heaven. When doing evangelism, pray that God would give you favor. When you're about to share the gospel with a lost classmate, pray that God would give you favor in the life of your friend. Only the Lord can truly turn a person back to Himself, so win the battle in heaven first and then go out and reap the harvest. Give yourself to the place of prayer at your school and see a massive shift come from the place of prayer, and once breakthrough comes, watch the Lord move in the hearts of students all over the city and act in partnership with God's heart.

Winning air-supremacy and casting Satan out of your school will be the largest shift your school ever experiences. From my own experience, I have tried to save people many times without ever giving myself to prayer over that person. My school seemed like a graveyard of hard hearts, but prayer marked a shift where God began to move on those hearts and make them softer to the gospel. Then the fish started jumping into the boat (so to speak) and the harvest was ready and people were turning to the Lord. Don't try to save your school in your own strength but rely on the Lord and partner with him in prayer and see what happens. Plus, prayer shifts history, so don't only pray for your high school, but from an early age start building your pray walk for life!

Prayer topics:

1. Pray for your school (lost, freedom from drug addiction, porn, depression, etc.)

2. Pray for your city (churches in the city, lost in the city, other schools, etc.)

3. Pray for your nation (ending of abortion, government would align with scripture, wisdom for our leaders, etc.)

In closing, if you take makes these values essential to your campus ministry at your school, each point will fuel your heart and will fuel the hearts of your friends. Your intimacy with Jesus will sustain you forever and understanding His return will give you the proper understanding of your place in history. Consecrating yourself from the world and calling those in your ministry to take Christianity seriously and to live differently will empower you to live holy and be pure and free you from so much bondage. And understanding the importance of prayer (winning air-supremacy) will drive you to pray like God hears you and moves at the sound of your voice. These things will make you far more effective and will ultimately make ministry much easier with the right understanding.

theWall: The Guest of Honor Always Shows

This Friday 456 will be hosting theWall: a night of student-led worship and prayer that has been held in Olathe periodically since 2008. Students from several churches and schools in Olathe create worship teams comprised of students who may never have met otherwise, and we gather to pray for 6 hours on Friday night. The name comes from Isaiah 62:6-7, which is directly associated with Jerusalem, but the principle also applies to Kansas City:

"I have posted watchmen on your walls. . . they will never be silent day or night. You who call on the LORD, give yourselves no rest, and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and makes her the praise of the earth."

The goal of theWall is to effect the heavens through prayer. Scripture teaches that when God's people pray, He hears their prayers and responds according to His will. In Hebrew understanding, there is no separation between what we call the "physicall" or "natural realm" and the "spiritual realm." Biblically, the two realities are one. The spiritual directly effects the natural, and the natural effects the spiritual, so to a Hebrew, the significance of the spiritual reality is just as real and important as the natural. The only difference is that we often do not see physically the effects of our prayers or actions in the spiritual realm. So the two are better defined as "seen" and "unseen."

theWall is special for 456 because it focuses wholeheartedly on the unseen side of reality. Allow me to demonstrate. Ministries often have events that are directly focused on natural ministry (what we can see), and some events are more spiritual in focus, and some focus on both. For example:

1. A food pantry is a ministry that directly effects people physically in the natural reality. The effectiveness of these events is primarily measured by the number of people the ministry touches.

2. An evangelistic rally is an event that focuses on both spiritual and natural realities. These too are effective only as much as the number of people in attendance because people are still the subject of the ministry.

3. A prayer meeting, however, is entirely different and is in no way measured by the number of people that attend. God is the subject of the ministry. Often we feel the need to measure prayer-based events by the number of people that attend, but to do so undermines the entire focus of the event: the unseen. That would make the event about the people and not about the subject of your prayers.

Not only that, but the natural ministries are far more effective when the battle has been won in the spirit through prayer. The spiritual realm so effects the natural ministry that our prayers can determine our effectiveness in the natural. A natural ministry deprived of the spiritual reality will never reach its potential.

If numbers do not determine the effectiveness of a prayer meeting because of its spiritual nature, what does? The guest of honor at a prayer meeting is always God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit). So when you open up in prayer, you are inviting the Trinity as well as millions of angels to a prayer meeting. Already your numbers are through the roof so you are effective by that measurement. For 456, the effectiveness is measured by our hunger level. A prayer meeting should empower those in attendance (earth-beings) to live the Sermon on the Mount lifestyle and should provoke us to hunger for more. If our prayers are not derived from sincere humility and hunger in our hearts, then what are they?Isaiah 58 points out that our heart posture and sincerity is key to our effectiveness in prayer and fasting.

Truthfully, the measure of the effectiveness of a prayer meeting is unsearchable because of the eternal nature of prayer. We may not hear of how effective our prayer meeting was until we are in the next age of history with Jesus, but that makes the prayer meeting so much more worth it. There are also times when we see the fruit of our prayers even in the salvation of those we bring before God.

We have events and trainings that minister directly to physical people, but our prayer meetings minister directly to the heart of God. The place of prayer, therefore, is to be prized among our ministries. If prayer can effect the rest of our ministry in the natural, then prayer is our primary call. A ministry aligned with God's heart in prayer will operate according to God's will.

Coming to theWall this weekend, it does not matter how many people show up, because that will not determine our effectiveness before God. We can do outreach later, because the next 6-hours of prayer may not only determine the effectiveness of our next outreach, but also effect the eternities of those who attend that outreach.

History belongs to the intercessor.

The Importance of Christian Gatherings on School Campuses

This is my article in the Johnson County Christian, which distributes tens of thousands of copies throughout Kansas City. Enjoy! The theme was the importance of attending church on a regular basis...

The Importance of Christian Gatherings on School Campuses

To put a twist on the topic of the month, I would like to encourage both parents and teenagers with the importance of local students attending Christian gatherings on their school campuses. It is crucial for the life of any Christian to attend a local church on a regular basis. While Sunday morning is a great touch-point for a church body, and Wednesday night for a youth ministry, it is also key for our teenagers to be involved in a community of believers on their school campus who are contending for revival. Not only do our students need a community of believers at their school to grow with, but right now our schools are the greatest missions field in America.

Joel 2 describes a time in Israel’s history when the nation was in the crisis of God’s judgement. The nation of Israel had turned from the Lord and judgement was scheduled for the nation, but there was still hope. When a nation is in it’s greatest crisis, the Lord still has a divine remedy: prayer. The Lord commanded his people to gather together and become an authentic people of prayer (Joel 2:15-16).

It is key for us to answer the crisis in our schools and in the young generation by taking our stand in prayer. That is why it is crucial for any Christian student, whether at a public school, private school or even home schooled students, to carry prayers for their school, and not just any prayers, but prayers believing in the promise of Joel 2:28. In the midst of crisis and judgement, God can send revival to our city, and it can start in our schools.

This fall, schools throughout Kansas City are uniting in 30 Days of Prayer. During the month of November, Christian students will gather every school day before class for a time of prayer for revival at their school, in our city, and in our nation. All four Olathe High Schools have already signed up and will have daily student-led prayer gatherings before class for the entire month. More schools are signing up to make this the greatest push for high school prayer we have ever seen in our city. To find a list of participating schools and to find out how you or your teenager can get involved, visit www.kcstudentmissions.com.