Lately I have heard several teachings on the spiritual "gift of singleness" from various places and I thought I'd share a few of my thoughts about the season of singleness that we all face at some time in our lives. To begin, there has been a growing cultural pressure to validate singleness. Many of our young churchgoers are finding it increasingly difficult to find a suitable spouse in a culture of such wickedness so they are finding themselves single for an extended period of time. Rather than praising their Biblical standards, we are over-glorifying their singleness and misrepresenting marriage entirely.
My opinion is directed primarily towards men, since I am a male.
First of all, it is unbiblical to relate the season of singleness that we all face in our youth to celibacy. Celibacy is a serious, lifelong vow that very few are called to make before the Lord (fewer than you think). Let us not confuse this serious vow with the seasonal trial of a 20-something. Matthew 19:11-12
Secondly, it is okay to desire marriage. Where did we get the idea that marriage is some kind of burden (Hollywood)? It is not bad to be married. You are not less holy if you are married. It is less holy to be single when you are called to marriage, and I guarantee there are many more of those out there than those genuinely called to celibacy...
Thirdly, many of those who are single are so because they are filled with selfishness. Marriage is a tutor in humility, a tutor many are not willing to accept. Many men are unwilling to put the needs of another before themselves and therefore wait for someone who will put them first. They are so focused on their own lack that they don't yield to the needs of others and are therefore waiting for someone who fulfills all of their needs. Man's pride has bound them and they are unwilling to put on Christ, therefore God has spared the poor woman who would have been their wife and suffered their pride. Their glorified singleness is Their fault. Matthew 19:8.
Fourthly, many are waiting for a spouse that does not exist. This is not to say that our standards are bad, because our values are very real and necessary. I am talking about the fantasy woman many have thought up in their mind who is without fault. Many of us are waiting for a flawless woman who fulfills all of our desires and makes us the hero, but again, this desire is also rooted in pride. They again fail to put someone else's needs before themselves and embrace the faults of another, as Christ loved us in our sin. Many women have passed them over because of the same pride.
Fifthly, marriage predates sin. Married is not some fix to a sin issue (namely our physical passions). God established marriage in paradise. We were designed to marry, rather than to be single. Jesus designed marriage! He was at the first wedding! He loves it! Gen 2:18, Pro 18:22, 31:10, Luke 20:34, Eph 5:31.
Finally, we must not distort the scriptures. Singleness is not a gift, for the overwhelming majority it is a season. There are those that are called to celibacy, but again this is a very small percentage of people who are purposefully called by the Lord. Many are confused by various teachings on 1 Corinthians 7, but Paul says "Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches (1 Cor 7:17)." For most, this call is to marriage. Therefore it is okay to desire marriage. God put that desire in you because you are called to marriage, and you will not fulfill all of your calling as you are single. That is just the truth. You need to get married to fulfill you calling as a husband and father, and I do not want to deny you the angst of this desire because it is God's desire for you.
Many teachers need to repent for allowing those who are called to marriage to stay single. We have lifted the God-given burden of our desire for marriage and called it holiness. Marriage is an awesome calling, and it is the holiest thing to pursue it as your calling. Being single does not make you more holy (especially if you are called to marriage). What makes you holy is to pursue God's will for your life, and in most cases, that is marriage. So please feel free to desire marriage! It is a most amazing calling!
The season of singleness does present great opportunities for ministry, but so does marriage. Paul does say in 1 Corinthians 7 that the married man's interested are divided between how to please his wife and how to please the Lord (v. 33-44), but isn't being a good husband pleasing to the Lord (especially if marriage and fatherhood are your calling)? I think we're reading a little to far outside of the context of Paul's instruction to the Corinthians, forgetting what the rest of the Bible says about marriage and concluding that marriage is a hinderance to ministry. If that were true, Paul would not encourage all church leaders to be married in 1 Timothy 3. I conclude that God intends marriage to make us more like Christ as a wonderful benefit to our ministry. I conclude that marriage is excellent for ministry, forcing me to face my pride, tutoring me in humility, fulfilling me in my relationship with my wife and calling as a father, and conforming me more to the image of Christ. Do not be deceived into thinking that singleness actually makes you a more effective minister when you have yet to realize your calling and face your pride.
God bless those who are in search of a Godly spouse and those who are called purposefully to celibacy.
Here are a few other notes I have written concerning the value of marriage... I'm sure there are more to come:
The Value of Marriage
Marriage Counseling
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