A Year of Fatherhood

I remember one night, just over a year ago, that little face desperately needed to sleep but he couldn't quite get there on his own. Weighing just over 7 pounds, I held him in my arms deep into the night, pacing back and forth in the bedroom, trying to comfort him to sleep. At times I even fell asleep in the rocking chair with Samuel in my arms. I remember looking at him, so small, in such a large world, looking back at me as he fell asleep. Those late nights were the beginning of a brand new season in my life.

As time went by and Samuel grew, he grew a little less snuggly towards me. One day he would fall asleep on my chest and the next day he just wanted his blanket and bassinet. I missed those earlier snuggly days now and again, regardless of the sleep I lost.

It just so happened tonight, Samuel is just about 13 months old, and he was having trouble sleeping. It seemed like the kind of situation where he just couldn't quite get there on his own, though he is often a great sleeper. So, I ventured into his sleepy room to find my little buddy sitting up and upset. I picked him up and took a seat with him in our rocking chair. It took a few minutes for him to collect himself, but after a little bit he laid back in my lap, rested his head on my arm, clasped his blankie and just stared at me with a constant grin. Suddenly it was like we were back in the first weeks of his life, those same eyes locked with mine. We stared at each other until he eventually began to doze off, slowly closing his eyes and opening them again to make sure I was still looking at him. Finally, he fell asleep again in my arms.

It's been a year of fatherhood, and I've only experienced the first year of my child's life, but I know that this will be a night I will never forget, like those nights when he was first born, that little face at peace in my arms. I know one day he'll go off to school, work, start a family, and go wherever the Lord takes him, but nothing defines our lives quite like our childhood. No matter where Samuel goes to school or what he does with his life, he is my son.

It is encouraging for me to remember, as a believer, I am first and foremost God's son. No matter what I've done, or whatever my assignment on earth may be, I am a son of God. My love for Samuel is primarily rooted in the fact that he is my son (secondarily that he's just so darn cute), and I can't image loving him any more or any less. It blows my mind to think that God loves me same way, with all of his heart, not because of what I do, but simply because I'm His son, and no lie of the devil can take that away.